I need to keep from getting upset tonight for several reasons. The top one has two parts: I have to go to my training session tomorrow and I need to be ready for it. Other reasons include not wanting to look desperate and/or pathetic and/or pitiful. Not wanting Pete to see me upset (they say that's bad for displaying dominance on the totem pole, to not show any extreme emotions in front of pets because depending on the emotion it can be detrimental to how your pet views you so basically what they're saying is the pets are judging you, let's be honest). I am having difficult because I don't know how to sign Dean's get well soon card, and Frank got his bow hunting license for the season that opens the 8th of Sept I think, which means that he is going about his business and not experiencing anything life-disrupting here. And part of the reason why that is upsetting is because it seems that he isn't affected in the same way I am and the other part of the reason is that I don't really have an equivalent of that hobby.
I developed a grunge thing in my throat during the course of the day. I hope it's not an unpleasant condition. Do you believe those old stories about people (usually women) just wasting away because a relationship ends? I could see myself falling into that trap...anyway I have this throat grunge that makes me just want to wrap up my head in scarves and hoods and my body in blankets. It's not a good feeling.
All of the "I should've'"s are coming at me full force. It's no use tho. Really? You should've dyed your hair red? Git real.
A song came on pandora. http://youtu.be/Q4hYT-mYzI4
It's really sad. It features the world spinning without me and an empty space in my bed.
I think maybe I shouldn't think about finding another place to live until I definitely know I have to because I've noticed that I'm most upset when I try thinking logically on the way home from work and then when I get home I'm more upset because the reality of what I had been thinking about hits me and I have to visualize moving all of these things that are mine away from their current resting places.
I must say though, if you familiarize yourself with the stages of grief (according to Kubler-Ross) and take a step back and identify which stage you are displaying it helps you keep some emotional distance from the overwhelming physical symptoms that can unpleasantly intensify your grief. And remember always, the stages are not linear, so at any time you could experience any one of them, or multiple stages at the same time. For reviewing purposes, they include anger, bargaining, depression, denial, and acceptance. If you're anal and you like things in order (even though I just said they are not linear) the typical "order" if you must give assign it, is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
I need to get some things done. Like put the rest of the groceries away. I should do my nails too, but I can't seem to find my base coat and no chip top coat...If you borrowed them can you please give them back?
Amen to pumpkin coffee.
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