My feet are itchy.
Do I feel like running because I've been practicing, or just because I want to run? Is it the power of suggestion?
I'm applying for my independence but won't that kind of independence render a once independent girl like me, more dependent? I can't do this on my own, can I?
Should I do it anyway? Whether I think I can or not? I've made big decisions before but none as big as this. It might leave me completely isolated. Can I stand being completely isolated?? I don't know. I'm not sure if I feel comfortable enough to run because I know I'd be coming home to people who would notice if I didn't come home, or if it's something that is now just worked into my comfort. Usually I use my decision making as a way of creating direction. I suppose most people do that. Fork in the road = Choice --> decision = direction.
What would I be communicating to others with this leap of independence? Would I implode waiting for the independence to occur? because naturally it's the sort of thing that takes 10 months at minimum. naturally. So it'll take approximately a year of dependence in varying degrees in order to obtain independence. Can I learn in that time what it takes to ::lightbulb::. Perhaps I can make it like school, and learn a different aspect of caring for this super-oriented independence during the course of this approximate year. Each month focus on a new focal point. Revisit my "you can do it" ms fix it book that I bought when I moved in to a house that had someone already accounting for the physical changes that needed to take place in the space. I knew all about the emotional changes that needed to take place. I had been training for that nonsense my whole life. Ever since the first princess story I comprehended. Boy was I misled. How do others cope with the come-down that occurs once they realize it was all a front?
Back to the lightbulb idea...what might the list look like? (switches to task list in google calendar and adds the "you can do it" ms fix it book to the list to pick up this coming weekend).
More to come.
