I love the sound of Petey snoring. It's so cute. Probably because it's not as close/loud as the sound of Frank snoring. You'd think Petey's snore would be more intense because he has a snout and Frank has a nose, but, not so. I made chicken tonight, and threw together a salad, and cooked up some broc. I'm still wearing my apron and I'm really tired. And I don't feel like moving. But I did because we need to wrap Petey's paws.
::sigh::.
I need to put food away, wash the dishes, empty the dishwasher, sign Loretta's card, and wrap Jackie's present. And then crash. And I want to be in bed by 9. Wish me luck.
Any ideas on what to do with feral cats that were born on your property? I'm taking suggestions because I don't like what Frank has suggested thus far.
Nite y'all. ;)
Monday, December 12, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
recipe for disasta
so i've been putting some of the pieces together. and it was making sense in my head while i was making my bed. but i went to brush my teeth and traveled into the kitchen to type it down in my blog, and i've already forgotten my main points. my mother would tell me it's because i'm not brushing my teeth in the bathroom where i belong so let me retrace some steps and see what strikes me...
While you wait, please feel free to look up 'helden' by apocalyptica. they did it with rammstein. pretty awesome.
back to the program. bones said something interesting on Bones the other night about one's perception of time. it was in the context of booth not regretting his father's death and the lack of time he spent with his dad due to the lack of time his dad spent with him. and at the end of the show, his grandfather had given him an old box with tickets to a baseball game, and it was booth's fondest memory of him and his dad, and bones was talking about how all those years without his father could feel less than they were because it can feel like the baseball game happened yesterday. basically, we assign our own meaning to time lapses etc. Anyway i don't remember the specifics but what i'm getting at is i've found myself caught up in this race against myself, and i'm desperately trying to be "done" with things before an uncertain date or else. but i've realized 'what else what??'. what's my consequence for not hurrying along with getting things done on the house? it makes sense to be totally stressed out of my mind about paperwork at work because i literally have until the end of the month (which is really 12/28 because i'm off 12/29) to finish all of my back-logged paperwork, and naturally i feel guilty (this is the confounding variable. it confounds.) about not being "done" yet. And at home. Things don't get "done" and I feel guilty and then the panic sets in and i'm racing again. it's a nasty vicious cycle. it's one thing to feel a sense of urgency with getting things done. it's another to feel guilty on a minute-to-minute basis. it's really unhealthy and i think it's weighing on me very heavily, because it's at my core, and then that confounding variable is compounded with the list of things that I don't end up fitting into my time on an often-enough basis. the short list: scrabble with grammy, visiting friends, visiting the 'rents and sis, helping frank with his projects that are technically my projects too (because i walk across the ungrouted floor and i'd end up shoveling the large driveway rather than his wheel horse plowing it when it snows). Organizing my life. I don't even have my process down for cleaning the house! All those years cleaning grammy's and i wish that's the house i was cleaning because, well, it's a lot less dirty w/o a male presence, but also because i have the process down. i was thinking i need to set myself up the way i do when i plan to go to the gym, because gym = success, house cleaning = failure.
it's all too much but that's where i'm at right this particular point in time. i need to change the rammstein because it's time for bed. perhaps some grace potter and the nocturnals.
good night all. sweet dreams of completed goals and strike-through'ed to-do lists.
While you wait, please feel free to look up 'helden' by apocalyptica. they did it with rammstein. pretty awesome.
back to the program. bones said something interesting on Bones the other night about one's perception of time. it was in the context of booth not regretting his father's death and the lack of time he spent with his dad due to the lack of time his dad spent with him. and at the end of the show, his grandfather had given him an old box with tickets to a baseball game, and it was booth's fondest memory of him and his dad, and bones was talking about how all those years without his father could feel less than they were because it can feel like the baseball game happened yesterday. basically, we assign our own meaning to time lapses etc. Anyway i don't remember the specifics but what i'm getting at is i've found myself caught up in this race against myself, and i'm desperately trying to be "done" with things before an uncertain date or else. but i've realized 'what else what??'. what's my consequence for not hurrying along with getting things done on the house? it makes sense to be totally stressed out of my mind about paperwork at work because i literally have until the end of the month (which is really 12/28 because i'm off 12/29) to finish all of my back-logged paperwork, and naturally i feel guilty (this is the confounding variable. it confounds.) about not being "done" yet. And at home. Things don't get "done" and I feel guilty and then the panic sets in and i'm racing again. it's a nasty vicious cycle. it's one thing to feel a sense of urgency with getting things done. it's another to feel guilty on a minute-to-minute basis. it's really unhealthy and i think it's weighing on me very heavily, because it's at my core, and then that confounding variable is compounded with the list of things that I don't end up fitting into my time on an often-enough basis. the short list: scrabble with grammy, visiting friends, visiting the 'rents and sis, helping frank with his projects that are technically my projects too (because i walk across the ungrouted floor and i'd end up shoveling the large driveway rather than his wheel horse plowing it when it snows). Organizing my life. I don't even have my process down for cleaning the house! All those years cleaning grammy's and i wish that's the house i was cleaning because, well, it's a lot less dirty w/o a male presence, but also because i have the process down. i was thinking i need to set myself up the way i do when i plan to go to the gym, because gym = success, house cleaning = failure.
it's all too much but that's where i'm at right this particular point in time. i need to change the rammstein because it's time for bed. perhaps some grace potter and the nocturnals.
good night all. sweet dreams of completed goals and strike-through'ed to-do lists.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
as i lay me down to...pit bulls and parolees and a ham sandwich.
So, not so bad. Deanna and Will came, they left a cute bird tealight holder from Yankee Candle, we talked dresses, she dragged out her new Coach bags. And they stayed long enough to see my parents. My mom is genius--she suggested to toast the banana nut bread. It was really pretty good actually.
That's about when I fell asleep. I think i said that last sentence about the banana nut bread at around 8 last night. Then I went into my bedroom to ask Frank something, Frank gave me a hug and i laid down and fell asleep until around 2ish when i got up to brush my teeth. Then I woke up around 5 with a migraine. Not cool. Then around 745 I got up and took excedrin and tried going back for a nap so I could get up and go to mass for dziajau (*sp) and it felt okay. So i might try that church close to me after all. it might be nice to go somewhere where i'm anonymous. i had plenty of mini-epiphanies. i was able to keep it under control at the mall, being really productive and getting something for grammy, aunt maryann, aunt claire, danielle, the j-quad plus mom, and victoria. but then i went to target.......and i mean i think the house is gonna look good but right now i'm just super overwhelmed cuz the stuff is just out and...i got to the pharmacy too late and i'm going to miss my first night of the new pill pack which SUCKS because then you're stomach-achey all day the day after you miss it. so no bueno.
it will be okay though, and i will just wear a pad for a day extra and i will enjoy my ham sandwich with the ham that i made and my orzo salad with the orzo salad that i made and i will enjoy both. and get to sleep at a reasonable hr. i neglected my gym last week and i miss those strange but familiar faces of the dudes that nod 'good morning' every time i see them.
side note: there was a mis-type on the last blog post with the song title but i didn't research it to fix it so if you do before i do, feel free to correct me.
much thanks and happy monday eve.
That's about when I fell asleep. I think i said that last sentence about the banana nut bread at around 8 last night. Then I went into my bedroom to ask Frank something, Frank gave me a hug and i laid down and fell asleep until around 2ish when i got up to brush my teeth. Then I woke up around 5 with a migraine. Not cool. Then around 745 I got up and took excedrin and tried going back for a nap so I could get up and go to mass for dziajau (*sp) and it felt okay. So i might try that church close to me after all. it might be nice to go somewhere where i'm anonymous. i had plenty of mini-epiphanies. i was able to keep it under control at the mall, being really productive and getting something for grammy, aunt maryann, aunt claire, danielle, the j-quad plus mom, and victoria. but then i went to target.......and i mean i think the house is gonna look good but right now i'm just super overwhelmed cuz the stuff is just out and...i got to the pharmacy too late and i'm going to miss my first night of the new pill pack which SUCKS because then you're stomach-achey all day the day after you miss it. so no bueno.
it will be okay though, and i will just wear a pad for a day extra and i will enjoy my ham sandwich with the ham that i made and my orzo salad with the orzo salad that i made and i will enjoy both. and get to sleep at a reasonable hr. i neglected my gym last week and i miss those strange but familiar faces of the dudes that nod 'good morning' every time i see them.
side note: there was a mis-type on the last blog post with the song title but i didn't research it to fix it so if you do before i do, feel free to correct me.
much thanks and happy monday eve.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Waking up Waking up
So. It's 6:37 and that's only because I couldn't think of whether I should put that song lyric as the title. It's early on a Saturday because Frank is travelling to his dad's and I might have four people visiting, i might have 0. Mom Dad, Deanna and Will potentially are stopping by. I sure could use the help. Especially since I've decided to overhaul with deck-age of the halls. But first the un-fun stuff. Like fixing my eyebrow because frank pushed it in the wrong direction. I HATE that.
Laundry, dust, vacuum, clean bathroom, empty dishwasher, clean off kitchen table, get rid of garbage, hide presents. Again, that's the short list.
More later.
oy. I ignored the amount of water that was going to displace when i put the ham in the pot. = Mess.
I put the butter on top of the toaster oven to soften. And then forgot about it until I had already put the loaf pan in the oven so I had to take it back out...but it wasn't softened so i think i ruined it. because the inside is raw. After about an hour and a half.
And all of a sudden Frank is already on 537 with pops in tow and Deanna is thinking around 2 which is only 3 hrs away and the house is in worse shape than it was this morning, if you can believe that.
See Anna Sun, "Walk the Moon".
I forgot to add 'water the plants' to the list.
AAAnd the ham is only at about 100 degrees depending on which thermometer you wanna listen to. And it's been on the stove since around 8 am this morning. I know because I got on the phone w/ my dad at 8:05 and shortly thereafter was when the water displacement incident occurred.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/holiday-central/package/index.html?xp=fnholiday
Do those people have people clean their houses for them? I mean I know they use sets so of course they're spotless but I mean when they entertain at home. They get people right? They must. Especially if there's kids involved. I don't have kids though.
Turned up the heat on the ham. Maybe another half an hour but in the meantime I totally got too close to the water with my finger while testing the temp aaaand ouch. ya. Also, the inside of the banana bread tastes delish but it's supposed to be bread and not pudding so. There goes that.
Maybe I should publish now so this can be a two-parter. I know I have the intention of doing that and then I never do because the night comes and I'm truly bushed but I think it would be good to report back on just how awesomely out of control the day went. So. Here you are.
Laundry, dust, vacuum, clean bathroom, empty dishwasher, clean off kitchen table, get rid of garbage, hide presents. Again, that's the short list.
More later.
oy. I ignored the amount of water that was going to displace when i put the ham in the pot. = Mess.
I put the butter on top of the toaster oven to soften. And then forgot about it until I had already put the loaf pan in the oven so I had to take it back out...but it wasn't softened so i think i ruined it. because the inside is raw. After about an hour and a half.
And all of a sudden Frank is already on 537 with pops in tow and Deanna is thinking around 2 which is only 3 hrs away and the house is in worse shape than it was this morning, if you can believe that.
See Anna Sun, "Walk the Moon".
I forgot to add 'water the plants' to the list.
AAAnd the ham is only at about 100 degrees depending on which thermometer you wanna listen to. And it's been on the stove since around 8 am this morning. I know because I got on the phone w/ my dad at 8:05 and shortly thereafter was when the water displacement incident occurred.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/holiday-central/package/index.html?xp=fnholiday
Do those people have people clean their houses for them? I mean I know they use sets so of course they're spotless but I mean when they entertain at home. They get people right? They must. Especially if there's kids involved. I don't have kids though.
Turned up the heat on the ham. Maybe another half an hour but in the meantime I totally got too close to the water with my finger while testing the temp aaaand ouch. ya. Also, the inside of the banana bread tastes delish but it's supposed to be bread and not pudding so. There goes that.
Maybe I should publish now so this can be a two-parter. I know I have the intention of doing that and then I never do because the night comes and I'm truly bushed but I think it would be good to report back on just how awesomely out of control the day went. So. Here you are.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Crisp Sunday
Big day today. Lots of things planned. The short list: laundry, clean bathroom, dust, vacuum, clean kitchen, take out garbage and recycling, organize kitchen counter(s), clean up kitchen table, wipe off corner hutch and bookshelves, straighten up my room, make my bed, put my clothes away, make nachos, make chicken wings, and WATCH FOOTBALL! WOOO.
More later...shoprite run now...
before i go, i'm going to reach out to my peeps today and schedule in some random fun. it's gonna be great!
So. I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is that the hot water heater keeps tripping the breaker and now it smells like something is burning around the hot water heater and it's dripping an unpleasant grayish liquid. Not good. But, ther's a spider who lives on the upper left corner of my kitchen window and I vacuum up his web every weekend, but I didn't get to it yet this weekend and I was thinking before what an annoying fly that's buzzing around the window but the spider don't you know. caught the fly. he's working at securing its wings so that he can't fly away and mess up the web. They're both working so ferociously. The spider to wrap up the fly's wings and the fly to escape. The spider won. I think the fly ran out of energy. It looks like there's one final stitch effort being played by the fly--he's moving his front legs in front of him like a typical cat fight, but the spider is working to bind those together as well. P.s. the heating element went bad in the hot water heater. So, water is being shut off. No laundry being done any time soon. No nothing that requires any water whatsoever. Oy vey. Let me grab my antibacterial cream. Can't wash my hands. Also, Frank was walking past a little end table that had my plant infirmary on it and I heard a crash from upstairs. Knocked it clean. Water and dirt everywhere. When it rains it pours, ppl. So, an amended short version of my to-do list from before: laundry, clean bathroom, dust, vacuum, clean kitchen, take out garbage and recycling, organize kitchen counter(s), clean up kitchen table, wipe off corner hutch and bookshelves, straighten up my room, make my bed, put my clothes away (from last week), make nachos, make chicken wings, and WATCH FOOTBALL! WOOO
As I was typing I heard frank saying something from downstairs and at first I thought he was just talking to pete, but, he was hollering for assistance because the drain for the water that stays in the hot water heater tank was apparently clogged because it was spraying everywhere. So then it was grabbing two buckets and running outside to dump them. We really do need a slop sink down there. Anyway it made a mess. So my antibacterial cream was traded for 'scrubs in a bucket'. It smells a lot like gritty orange goop in towelette form. The grime is too grimey for antibacterial cream. And then I left the sliding glass door open and just closed the screen and Pete tried to push his way out. Knocking the screen off its tracks. Brat. I went to fix my hair and noticed that I have a bit of grime on my elbow. So that's the kind of Sunday it's going to be. Now I must vacuum. But first an update on the spider and the fly: The fly is covered in web-age. Did you ever hear the one about the lady who swallowed the spider?...
More later...shoprite run now...
before i go, i'm going to reach out to my peeps today and schedule in some random fun. it's gonna be great!
So. I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is that the hot water heater keeps tripping the breaker and now it smells like something is burning around the hot water heater and it's dripping an unpleasant grayish liquid. Not good. But, ther's a spider who lives on the upper left corner of my kitchen window and I vacuum up his web every weekend, but I didn't get to it yet this weekend and I was thinking before what an annoying fly that's buzzing around the window but the spider don't you know. caught the fly. he's working at securing its wings so that he can't fly away and mess up the web. They're both working so ferociously. The spider to wrap up the fly's wings and the fly to escape. The spider won. I think the fly ran out of energy. It looks like there's one final stitch effort being played by the fly--he's moving his front legs in front of him like a typical cat fight, but the spider is working to bind those together as well. P.s. the heating element went bad in the hot water heater. So, water is being shut off. No laundry being done any time soon. No nothing that requires any water whatsoever. Oy vey. Let me grab my antibacterial cream. Can't wash my hands. Also, Frank was walking past a little end table that had my plant infirmary on it and I heard a crash from upstairs. Knocked it clean. Water and dirt everywhere. When it rains it pours, ppl. So, an amended short version of my to-do list from before: laundry, clean bathroom, dust, vacuum, clean kitchen, take out garbage and recycling, organize kitchen counter(s), clean up kitchen table, wipe off corner hutch and bookshelves, straighten up my room, make my bed, put my clothes away (from last week), make nachos, make chicken wings, and WATCH FOOTBALL! WOOO
As I was typing I heard frank saying something from downstairs and at first I thought he was just talking to pete, but, he was hollering for assistance because the drain for the water that stays in the hot water heater tank was apparently clogged because it was spraying everywhere. So then it was grabbing two buckets and running outside to dump them. We really do need a slop sink down there. Anyway it made a mess. So my antibacterial cream was traded for 'scrubs in a bucket'. It smells a lot like gritty orange goop in towelette form. The grime is too grimey for antibacterial cream. And then I left the sliding glass door open and just closed the screen and Pete tried to push his way out. Knocking the screen off its tracks. Brat. I went to fix my hair and noticed that I have a bit of grime on my elbow. So that's the kind of Sunday it's going to be. Now I must vacuum. But first an update on the spider and the fly: The fly is covered in web-age. Did you ever hear the one about the lady who swallowed the spider?...
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thanks.
you know you're dating a polar bear when he thinks 40 degrees is 'kinda chilly'.
So. Thanks-giving eh.
I'm melting chocolate in the microwave. it's very nerve wracking business.
Oy that was scary.
Piece by piece, my christmas list is coming together. It's exciting. Wrapping it all will be another ginormous task. I'm still looking to finish my sister's present. What a project.
Okay so the chocolate has hardened, the bags are decorated, now it's time to prep the cukes for the smoked salmon boat appetizer.
That was exhausting. I feel like i have arthritis because the cukes were so cold and there were so many of them to peel, cut and core. Owsa.
Time for string beans. How do you feel about string beans?
Trimmed a mixing bowl full. now i'm roasting garlic. I turned the wrong burner on and almost lit my paper plate on fire that has my little grilled cheese on it. Not cool. Burnt paper plate stinks. I'll light a candle.
The garlic smell is so strong that my grilled cheese tastes like it. It has infiltrated my nostrils. Apparently garlic is good for your sinuses though so I'm not complaining.
Alright! So my list is made of what i need to remember to bring later. I desperately need to clean up this kitchen. It's a disasta.
Oh right what I'm thankful for: family. Frank. friends. Petey. my health, my job, electricity. Affording my bills. Clean water. The sky that's blue. The taste of food. My senses (all of them). Having an outlet for my ramblings. Hugs from ppl I love. MUSIC. Awesome tv shows that make me surprise myself with my laugh. My enthusiasm for things. All things. Opportunities.
That's the short list. My feet hurt now and I must rest them on the ride up to Grammy's.
Happy Thanksgiving and wish me luck for later...in case I do end up part of the early morning black friday crowd.
Catchya on tha flip siiide.
So. Thanks-giving eh.
I'm melting chocolate in the microwave. it's very nerve wracking business.
Oy that was scary.
Piece by piece, my christmas list is coming together. It's exciting. Wrapping it all will be another ginormous task. I'm still looking to finish my sister's present. What a project.
Okay so the chocolate has hardened, the bags are decorated, now it's time to prep the cukes for the smoked salmon boat appetizer.
That was exhausting. I feel like i have arthritis because the cukes were so cold and there were so many of them to peel, cut and core. Owsa.
Time for string beans. How do you feel about string beans?
Trimmed a mixing bowl full. now i'm roasting garlic. I turned the wrong burner on and almost lit my paper plate on fire that has my little grilled cheese on it. Not cool. Burnt paper plate stinks. I'll light a candle.
The garlic smell is so strong that my grilled cheese tastes like it. It has infiltrated my nostrils. Apparently garlic is good for your sinuses though so I'm not complaining.
Alright! So my list is made of what i need to remember to bring later. I desperately need to clean up this kitchen. It's a disasta.
Oh right what I'm thankful for: family. Frank. friends. Petey. my health, my job, electricity. Affording my bills. Clean water. The sky that's blue. The taste of food. My senses (all of them). Having an outlet for my ramblings. Hugs from ppl I love. MUSIC. Awesome tv shows that make me surprise myself with my laugh. My enthusiasm for things. All things. Opportunities.
That's the short list. My feet hurt now and I must rest them on the ride up to Grammy's.
Happy Thanksgiving and wish me luck for later...in case I do end up part of the early morning black friday crowd.
Catchya on tha flip siiide.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
I've Caught the Turkey Bug
It's chilly in here again. I just made my smoked salmon dip. I'm going to make my cranberry sauce now. I burned out the little fuse in my blender four or five times. And my thumb hurts from struggling with the large spoon. My eyes hurt--fatigue is winning. Sips can of dr. pepper. Working with all this sugar should wake me up a bit. We humans should be able to go on hiatus from our careers to do random other things that make us happy. I think it would help decrease burnout and increase productivity over time.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alexandra-guarnaschelli/cranberry-sauce-recipe/index.html?k=1
They've probably done studies.
I'm being a bit of a renegade and I'm doing lime zest and juice instead of orange. We'll see. Also, I completely forgot how much fun it is to watch cranberries boil. They pop quite ecstatically. This unfortunately is occurring while I'm at my most exhausted, so it feels like the slowest boil ever. I heart radio's 1045 station totally just played 'let's go crazy'...the incubus version. aaaawesoooome. oops haha i left the spell check button on. it really had fun highlighting my 'awesome' word. it was all like 'nu-uh nicole'.
Speaking of 'nu-uh', I need to think of an easier way to send out holiday greetings other than sitting and writing out cards. I don't know who to send to and who to not send to.
I almost forgot that I had to hospitalize someone today. Luckily my recent hospitalizations have been voluntary. I dread the day when I have to involuntarily hospitalize someone. Ick.
I think 1979 by the smashing pumpkins is making me more tired. But if I hear party rock one more time i'm gonna throw a party rock.
'oooooooooooooooh sometimessss i getta good feelin. yeah. i get a feelin that i neva neva neva neva had before no no i get a good feelin yeah.'
i dig it.
Well, I sufficiently stank of sweet citrus with vague undertones of smoked fish. I think it's time I hit the sack. Big day tomorrow. I've never covered pretzels with peanut butter and melted chocolate before. It'd be fabulous to be able to make a pitcher of that winter sangria (pg 79 food network magazine dec 2011 issue). We shall see. In the meantime I need to listen to my eyeballs and the small muscles that control my eyelids and shut it down.
Peace out cub scouts.
Oh and happy thanks giving.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alexandra-guarnaschelli/cranberry-sauce-recipe/index.html?k=1
They've probably done studies.
I'm being a bit of a renegade and I'm doing lime zest and juice instead of orange. We'll see. Also, I completely forgot how much fun it is to watch cranberries boil. They pop quite ecstatically. This unfortunately is occurring while I'm at my most exhausted, so it feels like the slowest boil ever. I heart radio's 1045 station totally just played 'let's go crazy'...the incubus version. aaaawesoooome. oops haha i left the spell check button on. it really had fun highlighting my 'awesome' word. it was all like 'nu-uh nicole'.
Speaking of 'nu-uh', I need to think of an easier way to send out holiday greetings other than sitting and writing out cards. I don't know who to send to and who to not send to.
I almost forgot that I had to hospitalize someone today. Luckily my recent hospitalizations have been voluntary. I dread the day when I have to involuntarily hospitalize someone. Ick.
I think 1979 by the smashing pumpkins is making me more tired. But if I hear party rock one more time i'm gonna throw a party rock.
'oooooooooooooooh sometimessss i getta good feelin. yeah. i get a feelin that i neva neva neva neva had before no no i get a good feelin yeah.'
i dig it.
Well, I sufficiently stank of sweet citrus with vague undertones of smoked fish. I think it's time I hit the sack. Big day tomorrow. I've never covered pretzels with peanut butter and melted chocolate before. It'd be fabulous to be able to make a pitcher of that winter sangria (pg 79 food network magazine dec 2011 issue). We shall see. In the meantime I need to listen to my eyeballs and the small muscles that control my eyelids and shut it down.
Peace out cub scouts.
Oh and happy thanks giving.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Clementines
Today was a tough day on the farm. My pts are really sick. There's one who lives vicariously through the victims on law and order svu because their 'bad guys' go to jail. And another who is addicted to marijuana. And another with alcoholic parents who are in denial. And another pt restricts her intake of food and treats each meal like it's a battle. And then there's the parents. The single moms. The overworked dads who don't know how to express their concerns for their kids. The siblings who have lost supportive contact because of blow-outs. Oy.
I wonder what I'll wear tomorrow. That's what distracts me. Just as long as I got proud digs on, I'm borderline awesome.
Think about it. What makes you feel like that?
I wonder what I'll wear tomorrow. That's what distracts me. Just as long as I got proud digs on, I'm borderline awesome.
Think about it. What makes you feel like that?
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Such High Expectations, So Little Time
Oh. My. Goodness. i heart radio is playing the warmth. woah mama.
You know you've had a productive christmas shopping trip when you come home and wash your hands and they hurt like rope burns.
Dinner is simple tonight. Salmon with various spices and lemon/lime juice, frozen veggies and leftover seafood pizza that was frozen from quite a while ago as an appetizer.
Jamie from work is asking if we can check in at some point this week so she can get the run down on how I've been running the program. I think she's going to be disappointed. I really have been working it by the skin of my teeth. Which is such an interesting phrase.
I really didn't get everything done that I wanted to this weekend. However, I got done a few necessities and some things for the long term goals. Speaking of long term goals. I've been thinking a lot recently about the things that I want to be able to accomplish. Ideas that I've had and daydreams I've lingered on. It's so nice to think about, envisioning yourself being able to do things that seem so far away right now. It's one of the things that I think about on my long drive home. Oooor, on my way to the gym in the morning. What are some of the things you daydream to be able to do? Not necessarily strengths, or abilities, but maybe importrant life events. Like getting married. Or writing a book. Or learning to drive stick on your own classic car. Or driving cross-country to visit your cousin. Or going parasailing. Or going on a cruise to...alaska or the mediterranean. Or getting married.
You know you've had a productive christmas shopping trip when you come home and wash your hands and they hurt like rope burns.
Dinner is simple tonight. Salmon with various spices and lemon/lime juice, frozen veggies and leftover seafood pizza that was frozen from quite a while ago as an appetizer.
Jamie from work is asking if we can check in at some point this week so she can get the run down on how I've been running the program. I think she's going to be disappointed. I really have been working it by the skin of my teeth. Which is such an interesting phrase.
I really didn't get everything done that I wanted to this weekend. However, I got done a few necessities and some things for the long term goals. Speaking of long term goals. I've been thinking a lot recently about the things that I want to be able to accomplish. Ideas that I've had and daydreams I've lingered on. It's so nice to think about, envisioning yourself being able to do things that seem so far away right now. It's one of the things that I think about on my long drive home. Oooor, on my way to the gym in the morning. What are some of the things you daydream to be able to do? Not necessarily strengths, or abilities, but maybe importrant life events. Like getting married. Or writing a book. Or learning to drive stick on your own classic car. Or driving cross-country to visit your cousin. Or going parasailing. Or going on a cruise to...alaska or the mediterranean. Or getting married.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Cucumbers and Tomatoes
My puppydog has adorable ears that display his mood. How would it be to display your mood on your ears rather than on your face?
I came up with ideas for group/program that sound fabulous in my head. I hope I remember them for next week. I'd publish it in this blog post but I want to write a book on running groups for young adults so I'll refrain.
I took a break to eat dinner and now I just feel like going to sleep. What's wrong with me?
I want to take the nail polish off my fingernails and toe nails and soak my feet and moisturize my hands and brush my teeth and go to sleep. Immediately. I have dishes I need to do though. Tomorrow's blog post will be better, I promise the both of us. You and I. I keep promising.
I came up with ideas for group/program that sound fabulous in my head. I hope I remember them for next week. I'd publish it in this blog post but I want to write a book on running groups for young adults so I'll refrain.
I took a break to eat dinner and now I just feel like going to sleep. What's wrong with me?
I want to take the nail polish off my fingernails and toe nails and soak my feet and moisturize my hands and brush my teeth and go to sleep. Immediately. I have dishes I need to do though. Tomorrow's blog post will be better, I promise the both of us. You and I. I keep promising.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
::insert epically sad tegan and sara song here::
so, magically, frank got me to cook for myself because i thought i was cooking for him. i'm eating alone but it's really a very complete meal. and it's all there because i thought he'd be sitting down to eat with me. isn't that ironic? i was planning on maybe making myself an omelet at most. not that there's anything wrong with that or that it would be incomplete somehow, but it turned into grilled chicken, steamed broccoli, diced cucumbers and tomatoes and a sweet potato. ::sigh::.
looking around, i think that things might not look so bad if i only hoarded magazines. but i also hoard houseplants and then insist on trying to rejuvenate them despite their obvious death. and other people's furniture. i hoard that too. and lamps. for some God-awful reason I have enough lamps to light three in each room most probably. it really is all too much. and mail. i have mail all over the place.
the problem with having all of those types of foods on one plate at the same time is that i eat the cucumbers and tomatoes first, and it doesn't matter if they wait to be eaten because they're already cold. i'll think about what to say next while i eat the food that should be eaten while warm...
i just absent-mindedly put a tissue in the front pocket of frank's hoodie that i'm wearing. he'll find it later because i will most probably forget to remove it. he hates finding tissues in his pockets after i've worn something of his. i kind of revel with glee in his disgust though, because not much disgusts this guy. it's kind of a rare treat. not that i gross him out with tissues on purpose but i suppose i do because i'm knowingly leaving my tissue in the front pocket of this hoodie.
my mom thought that i might have almost passed out this morning because i'm pregnant. i hope i'm not pregnant but what if i am? i'd tell grammy. ask her for guidance. i don't know if anyone else sees her as the matriarch but i like seeing her in that light. i like to think that she has more power and grace than she probably has. she used to waltz out of a dance late at night in highland park and walk across the river into new brunswick and all the way up to...the name of their street escapes me but i think it's brave, even for her day. (why are these days not her days too?...odd.) i hope i have brave stories for my grandchildren. i hope i live to see my grandchildren. i hope i have children. someday. not today. or soon. anyway, grammy. i like when she cares enough about something to want to see it happen, when she puts her foot down and says "no" (like, with her index finger pointing sort of downward due to arthritis) "i want so and so to do whatever". good for her when she does that.
i think that's enough rambling for one night. i'm pretty sure i started typing this half an hr ago. good night and happy early veteran's day.
looking around, i think that things might not look so bad if i only hoarded magazines. but i also hoard houseplants and then insist on trying to rejuvenate them despite their obvious death. and other people's furniture. i hoard that too. and lamps. for some God-awful reason I have enough lamps to light three in each room most probably. it really is all too much. and mail. i have mail all over the place.
the problem with having all of those types of foods on one plate at the same time is that i eat the cucumbers and tomatoes first, and it doesn't matter if they wait to be eaten because they're already cold. i'll think about what to say next while i eat the food that should be eaten while warm...
i just absent-mindedly put a tissue in the front pocket of frank's hoodie that i'm wearing. he'll find it later because i will most probably forget to remove it. he hates finding tissues in his pockets after i've worn something of his. i kind of revel with glee in his disgust though, because not much disgusts this guy. it's kind of a rare treat. not that i gross him out with tissues on purpose but i suppose i do because i'm knowingly leaving my tissue in the front pocket of this hoodie.
my mom thought that i might have almost passed out this morning because i'm pregnant. i hope i'm not pregnant but what if i am? i'd tell grammy. ask her for guidance. i don't know if anyone else sees her as the matriarch but i like seeing her in that light. i like to think that she has more power and grace than she probably has. she used to waltz out of a dance late at night in highland park and walk across the river into new brunswick and all the way up to...the name of their street escapes me but i think it's brave, even for her day. (why are these days not her days too?...odd.) i hope i have brave stories for my grandchildren. i hope i live to see my grandchildren. i hope i have children. someday. not today. or soon. anyway, grammy. i like when she cares enough about something to want to see it happen, when she puts her foot down and says "no" (like, with her index finger pointing sort of downward due to arthritis) "i want so and so to do whatever". good for her when she does that.
i think that's enough rambling for one night. i'm pretty sure i started typing this half an hr ago. good night and happy early veteran's day.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
My face is soggy.
I stopped at Kohls on my way home and picked up some items for Christmas. I was driving down one of the roads and saw holiday lights on houses already and promptly started crying. It's scary enough crying while you're driving in daylight but when it's dark out and humid and foggy it's really not good at all. Seeing those lights made me think of all the verbal and nonverbal hopes and dreams and promises I had made to myself when I decided to move out, and I ended up in over my head and neglecting them in overwhelming amounts. And it's upsetting on so many levels. I let it happen first of all. I dissociated temporarily and forgot that this was supposed to be my house too, and who really can stand in front of the proverbial and literal wrecking ball, but I could've tried harder, I suppose. Second, I get this hopeless feeling that I'm incapable and that's not fun. I want to be capable of everything which I know is unreasonable but nevertheless it's an automatic thought that I have and it's really difficult to fight, no matter how much I question its validity. And I keep accumulating things as a way to mark my territory? or something? Fill the void that isn't a physical void to fill? The physical void is full actually, it's called a closet and it's full. The void is emotional and no amount of "stuff" will fill an emotional void. I need to figure out how to fill the emotional void with um. whatever it is that people fill emotional voids with in appropriate ways. Finding satisfaction? Gratitude? Christmas is tricky because I can trick my emotional void into feeling like it's being satiated with items for other people. I wrap it and give it away and it's opened and then the good feeling ends. I think I'm good until the days after Christmas. The ultimate letdown every year. And it isn't because i'm lacking nice items that i've received, certainly not. I'm always thankful for what I receive. It's because I come out the other side still feeling the emotional void. Every year.
As my sister would say, 'no bueno'.
I'm bringing back the few things I purchased for myself. I would use them but I don't need them.
I'm tired and I don't feel like eating. I need to set out my clothes for tomorrow. The place in the mall didn't call me back and I'm wondering why. Ah, thoughts of rejection. We were just talking about this today in group. I'm trying to teach my pts how to speak and act on their behalf despite their fear of rejection. Some of my feedback centered on practicing what you feel like you're good at so that when you're in front of someone, a potential employer for example, you don't have to convince yourself that you can do it while you're trying to convince them that you can do it, because you're already convinced. What does this mean? It means that until I hear from this small retail store, I should continue putting together perfectly stellar outfits complete with accessories so that I'm not out of touch just because I haven't heard from them and didn't feel like putting in the effort. That's hogwash. Always watch what you're reinforcing for yourself. If you're telling yourself that it isn't worth it, whatever 'it' is, you're teaching yourself Indifference. Indifference is a difficult thing to break, sort of like Complacency. Dangerous things. Beware.
Thanks for listening. My face is less soggy now.
As my sister would say, 'no bueno'.
I'm bringing back the few things I purchased for myself. I would use them but I don't need them.
I'm tired and I don't feel like eating. I need to set out my clothes for tomorrow. The place in the mall didn't call me back and I'm wondering why. Ah, thoughts of rejection. We were just talking about this today in group. I'm trying to teach my pts how to speak and act on their behalf despite their fear of rejection. Some of my feedback centered on practicing what you feel like you're good at so that when you're in front of someone, a potential employer for example, you don't have to convince yourself that you can do it while you're trying to convince them that you can do it, because you're already convinced. What does this mean? It means that until I hear from this small retail store, I should continue putting together perfectly stellar outfits complete with accessories so that I'm not out of touch just because I haven't heard from them and didn't feel like putting in the effort. That's hogwash. Always watch what you're reinforcing for yourself. If you're telling yourself that it isn't worth it, whatever 'it' is, you're teaching yourself Indifference. Indifference is a difficult thing to break, sort of like Complacency. Dangerous things. Beware.
Thanks for listening. My face is less soggy now.
Monday, November 7, 2011
My First PAC Meeting
Evening. I'm eating chilly vegetables. They're chilly because I'm a slow eater. I think it improves my metabolism. Or maybe it gives me indigestion because i'm eating and doing lots of other things at the same time. Like writing back to Ann, or responding to Casey from Panera. The Panera by work gave me a complimentary bug floating in my iced green tea one day, remember that story? Anyway they promise a coupon for a free something-or-other but you can bet your butt I'm not redeeming it at the same one. Ann had a baby. Women have babies every day, but something is hitting home about Ann having a baby. I'm not ready to have a baby. How can I convincingly say to my baby that he or she is perfect and to not listen to what mean people say to them if I'm not convinced of that myself? Oi too much thinking.
Today I went to a PAC meeting which stands for something but I can't remember what. Anyway it's a joining of the minds with regard to services for those in need in a various county. Today it was Somerset county. It was SUPER interesting. The VA in Lyons is increasing its supportive housing services and is adding more beds, which is exciting because vets need services too. I got to speak with someone who has a full time job and is in recovery. She shared her story about moving out to Cali and what happened. Really really neat stuff. I felt privileged. And the pumpkin coffee at DnD is pretty darn good.
Tomorrow I'm doing my nails with my sister after work. A little girl time. Should be fun. Now, for some dirty pots'n'pans. And a Kandykake with dark chocolate. mmmmm.
Nite All.
Today I went to a PAC meeting which stands for something but I can't remember what. Anyway it's a joining of the minds with regard to services for those in need in a various county. Today it was Somerset county. It was SUPER interesting. The VA in Lyons is increasing its supportive housing services and is adding more beds, which is exciting because vets need services too. I got to speak with someone who has a full time job and is in recovery. She shared her story about moving out to Cali and what happened. Really really neat stuff. I felt privileged. And the pumpkin coffee at DnD is pretty darn good.
Tomorrow I'm doing my nails with my sister after work. A little girl time. Should be fun. Now, for some dirty pots'n'pans. And a Kandykake with dark chocolate. mmmmm.
Nite All.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Sisters and Brothers
It's been a busy week. Here are the highlights:
I had hives since Sunday so severe by Thursday that my mom showed a picture of them to a lady friend of hers who works in an allergist's office and the lady got me an appt that day. My bright orange lillies that i had purchased at Shoprite opened quite nicely, and there's still one that needs to open. I've officially kicked off Christmas present identifying and obtaining. That's exciting. I have a notebook and many magazines and catalogs open for ideas. I applied for a job and went on an interview Friday after work. I think it might allow for an outlet and means to exercise my fashion creativity while not breaking my bank but adding to it instead. No, I don't think I'll list on here where it is. I confirmed the fact that I don't like viewings, memorials, wakes, or funerals or anything of the sort. Especially the religious portion where the priest adds in his own opinion of what's wrong with the world these days. It's tiresome. Which leads me to the topic of todays post...
Other people's opinions are usually very important to me--Too important to me most days. The more important the person, the more important the opinion. Like Petey. He's crying right now and it probably has nothing to do with me but on the off chance that it does, I immediately feel like I've done something wrong. Or like my sister. I was just on the phone with her for an hour and forty three minutes. Probably our longest conversation in a while. Especially on the phone. And wouldn't you know, we talked about all kinds of things, and during the conversation I was thinking to myself are we really talking about this right now? but it was where the conversation went so i went there. Turns out we have more in common ethically speaking than it might seem like we do. Except for the fact that apparently, I have less patience than she does when it comes to not taking things personally. Or do i. Does the amount of patience have something to do with how removed someone is from the situation? I think there might be a positive relationship between how much patience someone has and how much geographic/emotional distance someone has from the situation. Whatever that might be. It's just an idea.
Sometimes it feels like no matter what I say, she'd say something opposite. I don't think she consciously does it, but sometimes it feels like no matter what I say, she thinks I'm wrong. And the rejection somehow feels so much worse than if it was coming from someone whose opinion doesn't matter. However, I don't think someone like that exists...
So I suppose what I'm saying is, how do I do something without caring what someone else thinks? Without being fearful of offending someone or bringing on a rant or a tirade from a party who strongly disagrees with my actions? Perhaps it will be my reflection for the week. Also I'm considering paying the local catholic church a visit. Thoughts?
I had hives since Sunday so severe by Thursday that my mom showed a picture of them to a lady friend of hers who works in an allergist's office and the lady got me an appt that day. My bright orange lillies that i had purchased at Shoprite opened quite nicely, and there's still one that needs to open. I've officially kicked off Christmas present identifying and obtaining. That's exciting. I have a notebook and many magazines and catalogs open for ideas. I applied for a job and went on an interview Friday after work. I think it might allow for an outlet and means to exercise my fashion creativity while not breaking my bank but adding to it instead. No, I don't think I'll list on here where it is. I confirmed the fact that I don't like viewings, memorials, wakes, or funerals or anything of the sort. Especially the religious portion where the priest adds in his own opinion of what's wrong with the world these days. It's tiresome. Which leads me to the topic of todays post...
Other people's opinions are usually very important to me--Too important to me most days. The more important the person, the more important the opinion. Like Petey. He's crying right now and it probably has nothing to do with me but on the off chance that it does, I immediately feel like I've done something wrong. Or like my sister. I was just on the phone with her for an hour and forty three minutes. Probably our longest conversation in a while. Especially on the phone. And wouldn't you know, we talked about all kinds of things, and during the conversation I was thinking to myself are we really talking about this right now? but it was where the conversation went so i went there. Turns out we have more in common ethically speaking than it might seem like we do. Except for the fact that apparently, I have less patience than she does when it comes to not taking things personally. Or do i. Does the amount of patience have something to do with how removed someone is from the situation? I think there might be a positive relationship between how much patience someone has and how much geographic/emotional distance someone has from the situation. Whatever that might be. It's just an idea.
Sometimes it feels like no matter what I say, she'd say something opposite. I don't think she consciously does it, but sometimes it feels like no matter what I say, she thinks I'm wrong. And the rejection somehow feels so much worse than if it was coming from someone whose opinion doesn't matter. However, I don't think someone like that exists...
So I suppose what I'm saying is, how do I do something without caring what someone else thinks? Without being fearful of offending someone or bringing on a rant or a tirade from a party who strongly disagrees with my actions? Perhaps it will be my reflection for the week. Also I'm considering paying the local catholic church a visit. Thoughts?
Saturday, October 29, 2011
i'm standing in the pouring rain...
Dude, it's sleeting outside. It was sixty degrees two days ago. Balmy. Even after the sun went down. And now I could probably ice skate on the patio. Looks like Pete and I came in from walking just in time. It's quite inhospitable out.
There's this song by the band Plumb called Manic. Is she really singing about someone being manic? Like, clinically manic? Amazing what makes it into songs these days.
I have a to-do list of about 19 items and growing. I've completed 3 items thus far. I really should vacuum. Vacuuming is like, the prep before the cooking. I'm having trouble getting started. I should light some candles. No, i don't procrastinate, why do you ask?...
Okay here's the plan, I'll just vacuum the hallway for now so I can separate the laundry, and then I'll throw a load in, and then I'll continue to vacuum. Sounds good, okay. 1-2-3, SATURDAY! woo.
There's this song by the band Plumb called Manic. Is she really singing about someone being manic? Like, clinically manic? Amazing what makes it into songs these days.
I have a to-do list of about 19 items and growing. I've completed 3 items thus far. I really should vacuum. Vacuuming is like, the prep before the cooking. I'm having trouble getting started. I should light some candles. No, i don't procrastinate, why do you ask?...
Okay here's the plan, I'll just vacuum the hallway for now so I can separate the laundry, and then I'll throw a load in, and then I'll continue to vacuum. Sounds good, okay. 1-2-3, SATURDAY! woo.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
If you want your dog to love you...
...grab a frying pan and cook up some bacon. Today was the worst. Well, perhaps not the WORST but pretty bad. Let's see. I managed to piss off at least 2 pts today, and badly, I had to stay an hour late and missed zumba, and I still have unpleasantness that carries over into tomorrow. Not good.
However. I realized that if I took the left onto route 1 north, and stopped at the shoppes to get one of those fabulous shaken iced tea lemonades in passion flavor, and made a right onto 130, I could sip it the whole way home without really going out of my way.
I also realized that it was raining very hard and Petey only got a house and a half down the street when we turned around and decided to wait for the rain to ease up.
Furthermore, I realized I did not have all that much in the house to eat.
Next, I realized I could make an awesome grilled cheese with bacon and tomato.
Finally, I realized I could save the tv shows that are on tonight for hulu and order a nice movie to go along with the rest of my shaked iced tea lemonade, my grilled cheese with bacon and tomato, and the fact that the remote, for the night, is mine.
Cheers <3
However. I realized that if I took the left onto route 1 north, and stopped at the shoppes to get one of those fabulous shaken iced tea lemonades in passion flavor, and made a right onto 130, I could sip it the whole way home without really going out of my way.
I also realized that it was raining very hard and Petey only got a house and a half down the street when we turned around and decided to wait for the rain to ease up.
Furthermore, I realized I did not have all that much in the house to eat.
Next, I realized I could make an awesome grilled cheese with bacon and tomato.
Finally, I realized I could save the tv shows that are on tonight for hulu and order a nice movie to go along with the rest of my shaked iced tea lemonade, my grilled cheese with bacon and tomato, and the fact that the remote, for the night, is mine.
Cheers <3
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
The Walking Man
They sent us home early today. I know I've been feeling envious of my sister and my perception of her ability to do whatever she wants on any given day, but it was SUPER disruptive because I had so much work to do. It wasn't anyone's fault or anything, but I ran three hours' worth of group and had a lot of unfinished business. One pt's mom had called, sounding very concerned ---intermission---
Frank just came home. I should think of a nickname for him. I think I'm resentful that his job is creating these wacky hours for him. It means from 5pm and on I need to be really quiet. It's not like I was planning on vacuuming or anything, but I can't really go to bed at a reasonable hour, because I'll wake him up. Which means I go to bed when he does, at around 5, or I sleep on the couch until he gets up to go to work at 2am. I dunno it seems like a lose-lose. Impossible to totally compromise on. Anyway, in the middle of typing the word "concerned" he tried opening the front screen door which I had locked because I went to the bathroom. And it was 59 degrees in here when I got home so naturally it was warmer outside and I had the storm door open. Anyway, I sat down to finish my sentence and my train of thought had been derailed by then. Let me switch tracks.
I don't think I told you about my wardrobe malfunction yesterday. First of all, in my defense, there are two key points to remember here: 1. it's very difficult to remember from year to year which sweater dress is too short to wear lace tights versus leggings. unfortunately, the difference is crucial. 2. I only ran into the wardrobe malfunction because I've been good at going to the gym early every morning before work. So anyway, if you're good at pairing written explanation with visual imagery, you can imagine that the issue was that I overestimated the length of a sweater dress and paired it with lace tights instead of solid leggings. This I did not recognize until I was standing in the shower stall at the gym at 8:20ish am, when work starts at 8:30. Fabulous. I was so embarrassed.
And of course one of the gym ppl whose opinion I care about (because he's a trainer) pulled up in his Mercedes just as I was leaving with my pissy-face on because I was so upset with myself. I called Dinelle who really is a voice of reason when it counts, and rushed over to Walmart as it was the closest and guaranteed to be open. I embarrassingly had to bend down to sift through the leggings and found a pair and put them on in the parking lot. classy. $5.88 later, my ass was properly covered. Then the issue was that the dress was still too short for my comfort. But Dinelle, Tina and Jamie said it looked fine. So I had to be satisfied with it. That was also the day we realized we had a flea infestation at work so it's a good thing I was in layers because I had to get undressed in my driveway. Ga-ross.
Today was nonstop. got to work and clocked in at 8:40. Put lunch away, refilled water bottle, grabbed a spoon for my yogurt, gathered my paperwork, morning meeting at 8:45. Lasted until about 9:15ish. My officemate, Jackie, called out due to finding a flea on her, so naturally I was paranoid about sitting in my office. So I stood, grabbed my yogurt, discussed plans for the 11:30 group with Erica, jotted down what I had to do today, grabbed my group things including my water and a tissue, and then marched off to group. I was in group from 9:35-11:10, it was great, then I went back to my office, checked in with Erica who decided to co-facilitate the 11:30 group with me instead of sit in on an eval (zzz), listened to my voicemail msgs, called the two ppl who had no-showed to make sure they knew to call the main number tomorrow to make sure we're open, wrote a letter and photocopied it on letterhead for one pt, printed notes, and it was back to group with my water and coat, and we had group outside from 11:30 to 12:25. It was GREAT! So encouraging. ::sigh::. I had an eval that didn't get done because I really wanted to just leave and let Viking fumigate or bomb or whatever it was that they needed to do. Dinelle helped me move stuff on the floor so they could vacuum, I emailed a couple of people, and by 12:45ish I had vacated the premises. It moves so quickly. The day. It is only now 5pm but it goes so quickly because we're so busy. I'm not sure what people think of when they imagine what it's like in group psychotherapy, but it can get very tense, very awkward, very loud or very quiet, very focused or very very very tangential and flighty. I'm glad I'm taken by it. I think it makes the whole process of being a social work-y-therapist enjoyable. I hope others can find the same kind of all-encompassing activity.
Back to the walking man. I don't know if that's the name of the song or if it's just what James Taylor repeats a lot but there's a song where James Taylor repeats "walking man" and there's a man who lives on 571 along my commute road, and in the mornings a little after 7 as well as at dusk he walks along the road near his house and waves to every single car that goes by. It's very difficult to imagine this behavior in a nutshell and not give the man a name and a life that it appears he is leading. What would his intentions be with waving to all the cars? I wonder how many people wave back. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, but I always smile. I think his name is Dave.
I might post later if I'm lonely. If not, tomorrow is another day. And I will be bringing an alternate dress to wear in case the one I have picked out is too short.
Frank just came home. I should think of a nickname for him. I think I'm resentful that his job is creating these wacky hours for him. It means from 5pm and on I need to be really quiet. It's not like I was planning on vacuuming or anything, but I can't really go to bed at a reasonable hour, because I'll wake him up. Which means I go to bed when he does, at around 5, or I sleep on the couch until he gets up to go to work at 2am. I dunno it seems like a lose-lose. Impossible to totally compromise on. Anyway, in the middle of typing the word "concerned" he tried opening the front screen door which I had locked because I went to the bathroom. And it was 59 degrees in here when I got home so naturally it was warmer outside and I had the storm door open. Anyway, I sat down to finish my sentence and my train of thought had been derailed by then. Let me switch tracks.
I don't think I told you about my wardrobe malfunction yesterday. First of all, in my defense, there are two key points to remember here: 1. it's very difficult to remember from year to year which sweater dress is too short to wear lace tights versus leggings. unfortunately, the difference is crucial. 2. I only ran into the wardrobe malfunction because I've been good at going to the gym early every morning before work. So anyway, if you're good at pairing written explanation with visual imagery, you can imagine that the issue was that I overestimated the length of a sweater dress and paired it with lace tights instead of solid leggings. This I did not recognize until I was standing in the shower stall at the gym at 8:20ish am, when work starts at 8:30. Fabulous. I was so embarrassed.
And of course one of the gym ppl whose opinion I care about (because he's a trainer) pulled up in his Mercedes just as I was leaving with my pissy-face on because I was so upset with myself. I called Dinelle who really is a voice of reason when it counts, and rushed over to Walmart as it was the closest and guaranteed to be open. I embarrassingly had to bend down to sift through the leggings and found a pair and put them on in the parking lot. classy. $5.88 later, my ass was properly covered. Then the issue was that the dress was still too short for my comfort. But Dinelle, Tina and Jamie said it looked fine. So I had to be satisfied with it. That was also the day we realized we had a flea infestation at work so it's a good thing I was in layers because I had to get undressed in my driveway. Ga-ross.
Today was nonstop. got to work and clocked in at 8:40. Put lunch away, refilled water bottle, grabbed a spoon for my yogurt, gathered my paperwork, morning meeting at 8:45. Lasted until about 9:15ish. My officemate, Jackie, called out due to finding a flea on her, so naturally I was paranoid about sitting in my office. So I stood, grabbed my yogurt, discussed plans for the 11:30 group with Erica, jotted down what I had to do today, grabbed my group things including my water and a tissue, and then marched off to group. I was in group from 9:35-11:10, it was great, then I went back to my office, checked in with Erica who decided to co-facilitate the 11:30 group with me instead of sit in on an eval (zzz), listened to my voicemail msgs, called the two ppl who had no-showed to make sure they knew to call the main number tomorrow to make sure we're open, wrote a letter and photocopied it on letterhead for one pt, printed notes, and it was back to group with my water and coat, and we had group outside from 11:30 to 12:25. It was GREAT! So encouraging. ::sigh::. I had an eval that didn't get done because I really wanted to just leave and let Viking fumigate or bomb or whatever it was that they needed to do. Dinelle helped me move stuff on the floor so they could vacuum, I emailed a couple of people, and by 12:45ish I had vacated the premises. It moves so quickly. The day. It is only now 5pm but it goes so quickly because we're so busy. I'm not sure what people think of when they imagine what it's like in group psychotherapy, but it can get very tense, very awkward, very loud or very quiet, very focused or very very very tangential and flighty. I'm glad I'm taken by it. I think it makes the whole process of being a social work-y-therapist enjoyable. I hope others can find the same kind of all-encompassing activity.
Back to the walking man. I don't know if that's the name of the song or if it's just what James Taylor repeats a lot but there's a song where James Taylor repeats "walking man" and there's a man who lives on 571 along my commute road, and in the mornings a little after 7 as well as at dusk he walks along the road near his house and waves to every single car that goes by. It's very difficult to imagine this behavior in a nutshell and not give the man a name and a life that it appears he is leading. What would his intentions be with waving to all the cars? I wonder how many people wave back. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, but I always smile. I think his name is Dave.
I might post later if I'm lonely. If not, tomorrow is another day. And I will be bringing an alternate dress to wear in case the one I have picked out is too short.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Ew. Just ew.
There's something creepy crawly haunting the office these days...and it's not ghosts but I kind of think we'd all be less creeped out if the infestation was of the paranormal flavor. No, ladies and gentlemen, we've got ourselves a flea infestation. My personal first that I've ever experienced. Most unpleasant. Apparently one of the senior pts had a dead cat in the basement that had fleas and she came into program and brought her new little friends with her. And shared them, because naturally that's the spirit of program right? You come in, you share, and impart whatever it is that you're sharing upon your peers at program. Right? Not really. Not so much, no. Typically what's shared is verbal. Not creepy or crawly nor equipped with small spring-action equipment that allows the bouncy jumping and latching nonsense to occur. ::sigh::. So I got mostly undressed in my driveway and came in to shower and scrutinize my clothing and carpet in the bedroom with a flashlight because that's where I put my clothes from yesterday. I found a couple of bites on my left ankle. I showered, and just found out that Frank is going out to dinner with a shooting buddy and I'm invited so now I have to put different clothes on (not my robe or slippers unfortunately). Rats. I was looking forward to more blogging. Side note: the "new" pandora keeps starting one song and then changing its mind and switching to another song. Rude, right?
Later gator.
Later gator.
Monday, October 24, 2011
What in the world could make a brown-eyed-girl so blue?
I was thinking on the way home what I might address in this week's Monday edition. (That's when I heard the song from which I took my post title.) You don't have any expectations most probably because this is the first Monday of this particular blog, but you might, being that it's Monday, and typically the start of most working individuals' work weeks. So I thought I'd start there. It began early in the work day today, which starts at around 8:30am. One of my patients ("pts" from here on) passed me in the hall and shared that there was a puppy in the lobby and it peed on the floor. I was confused. A puppy? In our lobby? And it peed on the floor? She was directed to go to group as she was already late, and I passed Tina who is another clinician, who commented that of course something like this would happen on a Monday. She shared as she passed me that she had to clean up after the, yes puppy, who, yes peed, on our carpet in the lobby. One of her pts had asked last week if he could bring his puppy in to group and he was told not to but he heard what he wanted to hear apparently. Anyway, that was the first cliche thing to happen "on a Monday".
Perhaps now would be a good time to introduce the characters. It's Monday like I said, so yesterday they weren't around, but today they were, and they all have varying degrees of importance in my life (assigned mostly by me). These characters can be grouped as follows: Coworkers, My Pts, People I See At the Gym on an Almost Daily Basis ("gym ppl" from here on), Roommates, Family and Friends. Today I had only phone contact thus far with Family and Friends, I walked one of my roommates (<3 Petey), and saw almost all of the key players in the Coworkers and Pts groups, as well as the gym ppl group. Let me use Monday's post to dedicate to the coworkers. They're like second family anyway so I'll probably talk lots about them. Tina is in the coworker category. She's funny but she's been really stressed lately and apparently it started pretty early today with her cleaning up her pt's puppy's pee. She wears impressively stylish clothes. Then there's Dr. S. He's our Russian psychiatrist who used to be a gynecologist. I like the attitude about life that he presents with. It's refreshing. Laura was the first internship supervisor I had in grad school, and now she's in the coworker category too. She works and walks and talks like a boss boss. She'll get there someday soon I think. I aspire to one day have the attitude to match the look that she gets on her face when she's telling off Jon in her playful way. That attitude where you know you're right about something and your voice drips of it, and there's a neon sign over your head that blinks proclaiming it.
Speaking of Jon. All you need to know about Jon are the following items: he's very into his music that can range from the band that originally did "Hallelujiah" to the Arctic Monkeys, he likes Mt Dew (diet or regular), and his wife dresses him impecably on a daily basis, matching ties to socks, with daringly bright colors of shirts to match. He's a do-gooder and I aspire to be as unapologetically philanthropic someday. I wonder how many times he's been nominated Employee of the Quarter in his time there. We swap cds all the time and he insists on buying me a Dew whenever he gets them $1.11 or cheaper. Jackie is my officemate. She's going through a lot but she keeps on going. She has damn good fashion sense and a sharp eye for organization vs. clutter. I'm afraid of what she'd do to my desk if she had her way. She insists on helping me with paperwork for my track but I feel guilty doling out work to her because I'm not ready to stand by my employment title yet on my own. Laura isn't very tall but often I wish I could hide behind her.
Sheli is the wo-man at the front desk that keeps everyone--employees and pts alike-- in check. I personally think that a lot of everyday things that everyone takes for granted would completely fall to pieces if she wasn't there. When I started interning I found her very intimidating immediately recognizing that she was not one that I would want to mess with. She started calling me "our little sweetie" or something to that effect and she still does sometimes, and Jon jokingly gives her a hard time about why he isn't treated the same way when he asks her for something. Leo is the most hardcore horror addict I've ever met, and he knows Stephen King in and out so he has my respect for that first and foremost, aside from all the other reasons (like his organization tendencies that rival Jackie's).
Lauren is the art therapist. Her hair, enthusiasm, and creative ideas are all equally adorable. Apparently her kitty is too but I haven't met him yet. She had my pts today first thing and bless her soul she took their various levels of lateness in stride. Today was a busy day and so I had very little contact with anyone else other than pts. I counted once because my mom asked and I think I cited roughly 28 or 38 people that work on the same floor as me. I know that's +/- 10 people but I don't remember...Anyway I only named 8 so that'll give you some idea of how much of the day was spent locked in various rooms. Group room for group, eval room for eval, and office for paperwork and case management nonsense. I'll do a part two tomorrow. For now I'm meeting Scotto (Friend category) at Surf Taco. Shrimp taco here I come. Have a good night and congratulations!! You made it almost all the way through Monday!!
<3
Perhaps now would be a good time to introduce the characters. It's Monday like I said, so yesterday they weren't around, but today they were, and they all have varying degrees of importance in my life (assigned mostly by me). These characters can be grouped as follows: Coworkers, My Pts, People I See At the Gym on an Almost Daily Basis ("gym ppl" from here on), Roommates, Family and Friends. Today I had only phone contact thus far with Family and Friends, I walked one of my roommates (<3 Petey), and saw almost all of the key players in the Coworkers and Pts groups, as well as the gym ppl group. Let me use Monday's post to dedicate to the coworkers. They're like second family anyway so I'll probably talk lots about them. Tina is in the coworker category. She's funny but she's been really stressed lately and apparently it started pretty early today with her cleaning up her pt's puppy's pee. She wears impressively stylish clothes. Then there's Dr. S. He's our Russian psychiatrist who used to be a gynecologist. I like the attitude about life that he presents with. It's refreshing. Laura was the first internship supervisor I had in grad school, and now she's in the coworker category too. She works and walks and talks like a boss boss. She'll get there someday soon I think. I aspire to one day have the attitude to match the look that she gets on her face when she's telling off Jon in her playful way. That attitude where you know you're right about something and your voice drips of it, and there's a neon sign over your head that blinks proclaiming it.
Speaking of Jon. All you need to know about Jon are the following items: he's very into his music that can range from the band that originally did "Hallelujiah" to the Arctic Monkeys, he likes Mt Dew (diet or regular), and his wife dresses him impecably on a daily basis, matching ties to socks, with daringly bright colors of shirts to match. He's a do-gooder and I aspire to be as unapologetically philanthropic someday. I wonder how many times he's been nominated Employee of the Quarter in his time there. We swap cds all the time and he insists on buying me a Dew whenever he gets them $1.11 or cheaper. Jackie is my officemate. She's going through a lot but she keeps on going. She has damn good fashion sense and a sharp eye for organization vs. clutter. I'm afraid of what she'd do to my desk if she had her way. She insists on helping me with paperwork for my track but I feel guilty doling out work to her because I'm not ready to stand by my employment title yet on my own. Laura isn't very tall but often I wish I could hide behind her.
Sheli is the wo-man at the front desk that keeps everyone--employees and pts alike-- in check. I personally think that a lot of everyday things that everyone takes for granted would completely fall to pieces if she wasn't there. When I started interning I found her very intimidating immediately recognizing that she was not one that I would want to mess with. She started calling me "our little sweetie" or something to that effect and she still does sometimes, and Jon jokingly gives her a hard time about why he isn't treated the same way when he asks her for something. Leo is the most hardcore horror addict I've ever met, and he knows Stephen King in and out so he has my respect for that first and foremost, aside from all the other reasons (like his organization tendencies that rival Jackie's).
Lauren is the art therapist. Her hair, enthusiasm, and creative ideas are all equally adorable. Apparently her kitty is too but I haven't met him yet. She had my pts today first thing and bless her soul she took their various levels of lateness in stride. Today was a busy day and so I had very little contact with anyone else other than pts. I counted once because my mom asked and I think I cited roughly 28 or 38 people that work on the same floor as me. I know that's +/- 10 people but I don't remember...Anyway I only named 8 so that'll give you some idea of how much of the day was spent locked in various rooms. Group room for group, eval room for eval, and office for paperwork and case management nonsense. I'll do a part two tomorrow. For now I'm meeting Scotto (Friend category) at Surf Taco. Shrimp taco here I come. Have a good night and congratulations!! You made it almost all the way through Monday!!
<3
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Oh, Sundays
There is a chill in this house. It's 61 degrees and i'm not being very active so...
Why doesn't blogspot have more varied fonts to choose from? Probably because it's free, right? Pandora took my add-ons of 'slipknot' and 'volbeat' and totally ran away with my 'evanescence' station. Someone is 'RAHHH'ing from the other room. ::goes to check::. 'five finger death punch'. you don't belong on my pandora stations and it looks like you jacked your album art from iron maiden and then colored it in. i'm not interested in what you have to 'RAH' about. The past 45 minutes or so has been filled with disappointing results from my various electronic outlets. tumblr = fail. pandora = fail. gmail = fail. Are we getting spoiled with these "advancements"? i am, because i only have a vague idea of how the whole thing works. how it all comes together. so, i expect to be able to group my emails by who they're sent from, not just what's most important and what's most recent. it's the cause for my 737 emails. unread. those are only the unread ones.
short story that only nate already heard: i was straightening up a pile of stuff i shouldn't be keeping in the kitchen on the counter and saw (ew) a stink bug hiding under the window ledge. i thought it was dead so figured i'd remove it once i was done. well, it accidentally was turned over onto its back while i was moving papers and behold, it righted itself, clearly not dead. i gasped. and moved my cold cider out of the way. the end. sorry maureen, no 10 dollars found, nor handle of whatever alcohol located.
now it's time for grilled cheese. something warm and filling because it's 61 degrees in here and the most activity i'm engaged in is laundry. oh laundry. oh sundays.
this might be the start of something new. or perhaps it will turn into the continuation of something very very old news. we'll see. in the meantime, check back for more uninteresting updates on my adventures in the woods.
Why doesn't blogspot have more varied fonts to choose from? Probably because it's free, right? Pandora took my add-ons of 'slipknot' and 'volbeat' and totally ran away with my 'evanescence' station. Someone is 'RAHHH'ing from the other room. ::goes to check::. 'five finger death punch'. you don't belong on my pandora stations and it looks like you jacked your album art from iron maiden and then colored it in. i'm not interested in what you have to 'RAH' about. The past 45 minutes or so has been filled with disappointing results from my various electronic outlets. tumblr = fail. pandora = fail. gmail = fail. Are we getting spoiled with these "advancements"? i am, because i only have a vague idea of how the whole thing works. how it all comes together. so, i expect to be able to group my emails by who they're sent from, not just what's most important and what's most recent. it's the cause for my 737 emails. unread. those are only the unread ones.
short story that only nate already heard: i was straightening up a pile of stuff i shouldn't be keeping in the kitchen on the counter and saw (ew) a stink bug hiding under the window ledge. i thought it was dead so figured i'd remove it once i was done. well, it accidentally was turned over onto its back while i was moving papers and behold, it righted itself, clearly not dead. i gasped. and moved my cold cider out of the way. the end. sorry maureen, no 10 dollars found, nor handle of whatever alcohol located.
now it's time for grilled cheese. something warm and filling because it's 61 degrees in here and the most activity i'm engaged in is laundry. oh laundry. oh sundays.
this might be the start of something new. or perhaps it will turn into the continuation of something very very old news. we'll see. in the meantime, check back for more uninteresting updates on my adventures in the woods.
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