Hello Friends. I wanted to share with you the few 'firsts' that i've experienced the past week or so. Last Tuesday, i hit my first deer, which was really sad. and then i took pictures of the front of my car and it made me sad again. And then people asked me how it happened and I got sad again, retelling the story. The damage wasn't all that severe--I need a new bumper, grill, and grill emblem. Frank thinks I need a new bumper support too so we'll see what the auto shop says.
That same day, i was scheduled to try and give blood for the first time. As in, donate. Which was an awesome feeling. I felt like I was going to faint twice but I managed to pull through and give almost a unit of blood. I don't know what blood type I have, but the nice nurse who took my bp and tested my iron level, and then took my bp three more times when i almost fainted, called to check on me yesterday. So sweet right? She's not on site but she thought to call and follow up anyway. She said when the results come back she'd make a note to call me again and let me know what blood type I am. Super excited.
Then today, I swung a kettlebell over my head for the first time. I kept looking at the exercises on the crossfit website thinking 'there's no way...' and then today i just wrote it down in my notebook and worked it into my tuesday routine, and i just did it. i thought in my head what it looked like on the video on the website, and there i was, doing multiple sets with multiple reps of a kettlebell swing that extended over my head, crossfit style. What an awesome feeling.
Anyway, I was thinking on some level, while doing backdated weekly notes, sitting on my exercise ball at work, that I should try to do something new every Tuesday. I can't say they'll all be as exciting as swinging a kettlebell over my head or donating blood for the first time, but I will try to do something new. We'll see how it goes.
How is the progress on lowering your expectations? I tried after writing something about it, and it did work. But it's so short lived. I have so many preconceived notions regarding my expectations on how certain things should go down, that by the time i remember that i was trying to lower my expectations, i'm already upset and disappointed.
I'll continue to try my best if you do.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Pretty girls poop too.
i was thinking about an old supervisor recently and the conversations we used to have. the idea that girls poop was a reality that he refused to hear, and i hadn't even initiated that conversation, but i found myself arguing, obviously, in support of the fact that girls do, in fact, poop. I thought of this when I was in the bathroom at work, because it's not a bathroom that only has one toilet, it has two stalls because it's a patient bathroom, and i felt so embarrassed for having to go to the bathroom and it's like, really? why? i was dressed all nice in heels and a skirt, and i thought hey, pretty girls poop too.
we were talking in group and this one patient was talking about how she needs to stop thinking that everyone cares about every little thing she does, and that no one is expecting her to be perfect. And generally, i think that's true, but there are definitely instances that i think we can all think of if we give it a moment where someone was obviously expecting perfect, and they were very disappointed and let us know one way or the other of their dissatisfaction. This is part of the thinking behind my old supervisor's belief that girls don't poop, because if they did, his impression of them would lessen, because pooping is such a vile thing doncha know. which is probably why i disagreed with him so strongly, because how can you judge someone for performing a basic function of even the tiniest single-celled organisms? Right? Even plant and animal cells "poop".
In the spirit of this particular train of thought, i ask my loyal readers (all two of you) as well as myself to drop some of my expectations over the next few days, or at least as long as the thought lasts. See if, when you lower those expectations, you are less aggravated at the result. I will be making a conscious effort and I'll try to report back.
Have a fabulous day and take a moment to enjoy the sunshine.
we were talking in group and this one patient was talking about how she needs to stop thinking that everyone cares about every little thing she does, and that no one is expecting her to be perfect. And generally, i think that's true, but there are definitely instances that i think we can all think of if we give it a moment where someone was obviously expecting perfect, and they were very disappointed and let us know one way or the other of their dissatisfaction. This is part of the thinking behind my old supervisor's belief that girls don't poop, because if they did, his impression of them would lessen, because pooping is such a vile thing doncha know. which is probably why i disagreed with him so strongly, because how can you judge someone for performing a basic function of even the tiniest single-celled organisms? Right? Even plant and animal cells "poop".
In the spirit of this particular train of thought, i ask my loyal readers (all two of you) as well as myself to drop some of my expectations over the next few days, or at least as long as the thought lasts. See if, when you lower those expectations, you are less aggravated at the result. I will be making a conscious effort and I'll try to report back.
Have a fabulous day and take a moment to enjoy the sunshine.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
his will they'll take away.
so, work has been particularly depressing these days. and i know that it's taking up more headspace than it should because i realize on some level how messy my house has become. because i come home and really, how much energy can come from something already so drained? and the distractibility...my goodness. for example. it's taken me about 45 minutes to feed the dog and probably an hour to put the groceries away because sure i scooped food from the bag and put it in his bowl but then i got distracted by what i got from anthro today during my emotional mini shopping spree, and i wanted to make sure i hung the stuff up before it got wrinkled so i did that but then i planned my outfit using the sweater i bought and the shoes i never wear because they're leopard print and high, and then i came back into the kitchen and put water in the dog's bowl and got distracted by putting some of the groceries away, and glancing at the old leftovers in the fridge, felt sad about that, grabbed the dog's benedryl and put it on the counter, and now it's 8:17 at night and the groceries are still on the counter sort of in bags and the microwave is beeping because i settled on a lean cuisine (which counts as a notch for 'fail' in my mental food diary) and the dog didn't get his benedryl yet.
I'm not sure why i bothered. he's not going to eat it until frank comes home anyway.
Now the lean cuisine needs to be eaten and the dishwasher needs to be filled and the groceries need to be put away and it's now 8:24pm and i haven't even peed yet. I think maybe every day this week it occurred to me how badly i'd like to be able to read minds so that i could tell if my pts are lying to me. it's so very frustrating in a distracting sort of way.
so i ate my lean cuisine. i threw a cup of spinach on it so it wasn't as bad. pete actually ate his food, he got tired of waiting. he's been doing his big boy bark and poop dance so i suppose i'll have to take him but after i load the dishwasher...and finish putting the groceries away.
i know these are some boring posts but i'm so scatterbrained...i figured a bit of congruence might be therapeutic for me and you. but mostly me.
good night and happy almost friday. again.
I'm not sure why i bothered. he's not going to eat it until frank comes home anyway.
Now the lean cuisine needs to be eaten and the dishwasher needs to be filled and the groceries need to be put away and it's now 8:24pm and i haven't even peed yet. I think maybe every day this week it occurred to me how badly i'd like to be able to read minds so that i could tell if my pts are lying to me. it's so very frustrating in a distracting sort of way.
so i ate my lean cuisine. i threw a cup of spinach on it so it wasn't as bad. pete actually ate his food, he got tired of waiting. he's been doing his big boy bark and poop dance so i suppose i'll have to take him but after i load the dishwasher...and finish putting the groceries away.
i know these are some boring posts but i'm so scatterbrained...i figured a bit of congruence might be therapeutic for me and you. but mostly me.
good night and happy almost friday. again.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Zzzz.
I love the sound of Petey snoring. It's so cute. Probably because it's not as close/loud as the sound of Frank snoring. You'd think Petey's snore would be more intense because he has a snout and Frank has a nose, but, not so. I made chicken tonight, and threw together a salad, and cooked up some broc. I'm still wearing my apron and I'm really tired. And I don't feel like moving. But I did because we need to wrap Petey's paws.
::sigh::.
I need to put food away, wash the dishes, empty the dishwasher, sign Loretta's card, and wrap Jackie's present. And then crash. And I want to be in bed by 9. Wish me luck.
Any ideas on what to do with feral cats that were born on your property? I'm taking suggestions because I don't like what Frank has suggested thus far.
Nite y'all. ;)
::sigh::.
I need to put food away, wash the dishes, empty the dishwasher, sign Loretta's card, and wrap Jackie's present. And then crash. And I want to be in bed by 9. Wish me luck.
Any ideas on what to do with feral cats that were born on your property? I'm taking suggestions because I don't like what Frank has suggested thus far.
Nite y'all. ;)
Thursday, December 8, 2011
recipe for disasta
so i've been putting some of the pieces together. and it was making sense in my head while i was making my bed. but i went to brush my teeth and traveled into the kitchen to type it down in my blog, and i've already forgotten my main points. my mother would tell me it's because i'm not brushing my teeth in the bathroom where i belong so let me retrace some steps and see what strikes me...
While you wait, please feel free to look up 'helden' by apocalyptica. they did it with rammstein. pretty awesome.
back to the program. bones said something interesting on Bones the other night about one's perception of time. it was in the context of booth not regretting his father's death and the lack of time he spent with his dad due to the lack of time his dad spent with him. and at the end of the show, his grandfather had given him an old box with tickets to a baseball game, and it was booth's fondest memory of him and his dad, and bones was talking about how all those years without his father could feel less than they were because it can feel like the baseball game happened yesterday. basically, we assign our own meaning to time lapses etc. Anyway i don't remember the specifics but what i'm getting at is i've found myself caught up in this race against myself, and i'm desperately trying to be "done" with things before an uncertain date or else. but i've realized 'what else what??'. what's my consequence for not hurrying along with getting things done on the house? it makes sense to be totally stressed out of my mind about paperwork at work because i literally have until the end of the month (which is really 12/28 because i'm off 12/29) to finish all of my back-logged paperwork, and naturally i feel guilty (this is the confounding variable. it confounds.) about not being "done" yet. And at home. Things don't get "done" and I feel guilty and then the panic sets in and i'm racing again. it's a nasty vicious cycle. it's one thing to feel a sense of urgency with getting things done. it's another to feel guilty on a minute-to-minute basis. it's really unhealthy and i think it's weighing on me very heavily, because it's at my core, and then that confounding variable is compounded with the list of things that I don't end up fitting into my time on an often-enough basis. the short list: scrabble with grammy, visiting friends, visiting the 'rents and sis, helping frank with his projects that are technically my projects too (because i walk across the ungrouted floor and i'd end up shoveling the large driveway rather than his wheel horse plowing it when it snows). Organizing my life. I don't even have my process down for cleaning the house! All those years cleaning grammy's and i wish that's the house i was cleaning because, well, it's a lot less dirty w/o a male presence, but also because i have the process down. i was thinking i need to set myself up the way i do when i plan to go to the gym, because gym = success, house cleaning = failure.
it's all too much but that's where i'm at right this particular point in time. i need to change the rammstein because it's time for bed. perhaps some grace potter and the nocturnals.
good night all. sweet dreams of completed goals and strike-through'ed to-do lists.
While you wait, please feel free to look up 'helden' by apocalyptica. they did it with rammstein. pretty awesome.
back to the program. bones said something interesting on Bones the other night about one's perception of time. it was in the context of booth not regretting his father's death and the lack of time he spent with his dad due to the lack of time his dad spent with him. and at the end of the show, his grandfather had given him an old box with tickets to a baseball game, and it was booth's fondest memory of him and his dad, and bones was talking about how all those years without his father could feel less than they were because it can feel like the baseball game happened yesterday. basically, we assign our own meaning to time lapses etc. Anyway i don't remember the specifics but what i'm getting at is i've found myself caught up in this race against myself, and i'm desperately trying to be "done" with things before an uncertain date or else. but i've realized 'what else what??'. what's my consequence for not hurrying along with getting things done on the house? it makes sense to be totally stressed out of my mind about paperwork at work because i literally have until the end of the month (which is really 12/28 because i'm off 12/29) to finish all of my back-logged paperwork, and naturally i feel guilty (this is the confounding variable. it confounds.) about not being "done" yet. And at home. Things don't get "done" and I feel guilty and then the panic sets in and i'm racing again. it's a nasty vicious cycle. it's one thing to feel a sense of urgency with getting things done. it's another to feel guilty on a minute-to-minute basis. it's really unhealthy and i think it's weighing on me very heavily, because it's at my core, and then that confounding variable is compounded with the list of things that I don't end up fitting into my time on an often-enough basis. the short list: scrabble with grammy, visiting friends, visiting the 'rents and sis, helping frank with his projects that are technically my projects too (because i walk across the ungrouted floor and i'd end up shoveling the large driveway rather than his wheel horse plowing it when it snows). Organizing my life. I don't even have my process down for cleaning the house! All those years cleaning grammy's and i wish that's the house i was cleaning because, well, it's a lot less dirty w/o a male presence, but also because i have the process down. i was thinking i need to set myself up the way i do when i plan to go to the gym, because gym = success, house cleaning = failure.
it's all too much but that's where i'm at right this particular point in time. i need to change the rammstein because it's time for bed. perhaps some grace potter and the nocturnals.
good night all. sweet dreams of completed goals and strike-through'ed to-do lists.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
as i lay me down to...pit bulls and parolees and a ham sandwich.
So, not so bad. Deanna and Will came, they left a cute bird tealight holder from Yankee Candle, we talked dresses, she dragged out her new Coach bags. And they stayed long enough to see my parents. My mom is genius--she suggested to toast the banana nut bread. It was really pretty good actually.
That's about when I fell asleep. I think i said that last sentence about the banana nut bread at around 8 last night. Then I went into my bedroom to ask Frank something, Frank gave me a hug and i laid down and fell asleep until around 2ish when i got up to brush my teeth. Then I woke up around 5 with a migraine. Not cool. Then around 745 I got up and took excedrin and tried going back for a nap so I could get up and go to mass for dziajau (*sp) and it felt okay. So i might try that church close to me after all. it might be nice to go somewhere where i'm anonymous. i had plenty of mini-epiphanies. i was able to keep it under control at the mall, being really productive and getting something for grammy, aunt maryann, aunt claire, danielle, the j-quad plus mom, and victoria. but then i went to target.......and i mean i think the house is gonna look good but right now i'm just super overwhelmed cuz the stuff is just out and...i got to the pharmacy too late and i'm going to miss my first night of the new pill pack which SUCKS because then you're stomach-achey all day the day after you miss it. so no bueno.
it will be okay though, and i will just wear a pad for a day extra and i will enjoy my ham sandwich with the ham that i made and my orzo salad with the orzo salad that i made and i will enjoy both. and get to sleep at a reasonable hr. i neglected my gym last week and i miss those strange but familiar faces of the dudes that nod 'good morning' every time i see them.
side note: there was a mis-type on the last blog post with the song title but i didn't research it to fix it so if you do before i do, feel free to correct me.
much thanks and happy monday eve.
That's about when I fell asleep. I think i said that last sentence about the banana nut bread at around 8 last night. Then I went into my bedroom to ask Frank something, Frank gave me a hug and i laid down and fell asleep until around 2ish when i got up to brush my teeth. Then I woke up around 5 with a migraine. Not cool. Then around 745 I got up and took excedrin and tried going back for a nap so I could get up and go to mass for dziajau (*sp) and it felt okay. So i might try that church close to me after all. it might be nice to go somewhere where i'm anonymous. i had plenty of mini-epiphanies. i was able to keep it under control at the mall, being really productive and getting something for grammy, aunt maryann, aunt claire, danielle, the j-quad plus mom, and victoria. but then i went to target.......and i mean i think the house is gonna look good but right now i'm just super overwhelmed cuz the stuff is just out and...i got to the pharmacy too late and i'm going to miss my first night of the new pill pack which SUCKS because then you're stomach-achey all day the day after you miss it. so no bueno.
it will be okay though, and i will just wear a pad for a day extra and i will enjoy my ham sandwich with the ham that i made and my orzo salad with the orzo salad that i made and i will enjoy both. and get to sleep at a reasonable hr. i neglected my gym last week and i miss those strange but familiar faces of the dudes that nod 'good morning' every time i see them.
side note: there was a mis-type on the last blog post with the song title but i didn't research it to fix it so if you do before i do, feel free to correct me.
much thanks and happy monday eve.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Waking up Waking up
So. It's 6:37 and that's only because I couldn't think of whether I should put that song lyric as the title. It's early on a Saturday because Frank is travelling to his dad's and I might have four people visiting, i might have 0. Mom Dad, Deanna and Will potentially are stopping by. I sure could use the help. Especially since I've decided to overhaul with deck-age of the halls. But first the un-fun stuff. Like fixing my eyebrow because frank pushed it in the wrong direction. I HATE that.
Laundry, dust, vacuum, clean bathroom, empty dishwasher, clean off kitchen table, get rid of garbage, hide presents. Again, that's the short list.
More later.
oy. I ignored the amount of water that was going to displace when i put the ham in the pot. = Mess.
I put the butter on top of the toaster oven to soften. And then forgot about it until I had already put the loaf pan in the oven so I had to take it back out...but it wasn't softened so i think i ruined it. because the inside is raw. After about an hour and a half.
And all of a sudden Frank is already on 537 with pops in tow and Deanna is thinking around 2 which is only 3 hrs away and the house is in worse shape than it was this morning, if you can believe that.
See Anna Sun, "Walk the Moon".
I forgot to add 'water the plants' to the list.
AAAnd the ham is only at about 100 degrees depending on which thermometer you wanna listen to. And it's been on the stove since around 8 am this morning. I know because I got on the phone w/ my dad at 8:05 and shortly thereafter was when the water displacement incident occurred.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/holiday-central/package/index.html?xp=fnholiday
Do those people have people clean their houses for them? I mean I know they use sets so of course they're spotless but I mean when they entertain at home. They get people right? They must. Especially if there's kids involved. I don't have kids though.
Turned up the heat on the ham. Maybe another half an hour but in the meantime I totally got too close to the water with my finger while testing the temp aaaand ouch. ya. Also, the inside of the banana bread tastes delish but it's supposed to be bread and not pudding so. There goes that.
Maybe I should publish now so this can be a two-parter. I know I have the intention of doing that and then I never do because the night comes and I'm truly bushed but I think it would be good to report back on just how awesomely out of control the day went. So. Here you are.
Laundry, dust, vacuum, clean bathroom, empty dishwasher, clean off kitchen table, get rid of garbage, hide presents. Again, that's the short list.
More later.
oy. I ignored the amount of water that was going to displace when i put the ham in the pot. = Mess.
I put the butter on top of the toaster oven to soften. And then forgot about it until I had already put the loaf pan in the oven so I had to take it back out...but it wasn't softened so i think i ruined it. because the inside is raw. After about an hour and a half.
And all of a sudden Frank is already on 537 with pops in tow and Deanna is thinking around 2 which is only 3 hrs away and the house is in worse shape than it was this morning, if you can believe that.
See Anna Sun, "Walk the Moon".
I forgot to add 'water the plants' to the list.
AAAnd the ham is only at about 100 degrees depending on which thermometer you wanna listen to. And it's been on the stove since around 8 am this morning. I know because I got on the phone w/ my dad at 8:05 and shortly thereafter was when the water displacement incident occurred.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/holiday-central/package/index.html?xp=fnholiday
Do those people have people clean their houses for them? I mean I know they use sets so of course they're spotless but I mean when they entertain at home. They get people right? They must. Especially if there's kids involved. I don't have kids though.
Turned up the heat on the ham. Maybe another half an hour but in the meantime I totally got too close to the water with my finger while testing the temp aaaand ouch. ya. Also, the inside of the banana bread tastes delish but it's supposed to be bread and not pudding so. There goes that.
Maybe I should publish now so this can be a two-parter. I know I have the intention of doing that and then I never do because the night comes and I'm truly bushed but I think it would be good to report back on just how awesomely out of control the day went. So. Here you are.
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