Desperately seeking directional whisps.

I think I might need to chronicle the discomforts of my prior living arrangement. Just to put things in perspective. I think it would be easier than the list of comforts as I am still lamenting their absence.

• the people in the area
• the size of the house
• the woods surrounding it
• the construction
• the projects and bits and pieces of projects outside
• the size of the land needing attention
• lack of couple activity and overall togetherness
• lack of shared goals/dreams/values
• distance from family
• paying for things i didn't think we needed
• the feeling that i needed to defend his intentions/actions and lack of action
• putting off dreams of getting married
• doing most things alone
• feeling like a burden when i asked for something. or even just if i looked at him.
• competing with the projects and hobbies for attention i didn't feel like i got anyway.

That's a pretty solid list. Like i said, it's only fair if i make a list of comforts too but it'll make me cry and i'm not up for that right now. I've been tear free since Saturday (minus allergies, i swear it was allergies) and i'd like to extend the streak.
I can't make any promises though, because the thought that is sinking to the bottom of my stomach is mighty unpleasant. It's surrounding the idea that he doesn't mind that i'm not around. which, i mean, that's part of the reason why i'm not there but it bothers me that he doesn't call or text. which is inaccurate, because he will text and ask "You ok". It's awkward. No punctuation. I know what he's asking though. "Did you cry today? Because it makes me sad to think you cried so I hope you say you're ok.". But that's not what he says. He's a man of few words when it comes to feelings. Are all guys like that? According to Gerard Butler's character in the Ugly Truth, none of them are actually like that unless they've been emasculated by their wives or girlfriends. It's very heteronormative but that's a conversation for another day.
See Brave for the whisp reference.